Posted by Stephanie Valentine on May 29, 2009 in
Small Business Humor 
Friday Funnies — Are You a Professional?
OK, this is a reprint of a joke that has been around for a while but is still good for a few laughs.
Are You a Professional?
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional.” Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Wrong Answer!
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
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Photo credit: Pucker up!
Tags: anderson consulting, friday funnies
Posted by Stephanie Valentine on May 28, 2009 in
Small Business Humor 
Managers and Engineers
This joke is soooo perfect for the business world. Good from some smiles. Enjoy!
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am. How did you know?”
“Everything you told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must be in management.”
“I am. But how did you know?”
“You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
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Photo credit: Fly me to the moon ….
Tags: engineers, hot air balloon, managers
Do You Dream the Impossible Dream?
I do. Well, not really impossible, but challenging. I love a good challenge, and my dreams are usually based around circumstances that are difficult at best. It’s where I thrive. Lots of my friends think I’m crazy, but as long as it makes me happy, I always say that my craziness is cheaper than a shrink.
I’m very much in alignment with business guru Robert Kiyosaki, who says this about dreams: “People who dream small dreams continue to live lives as small people.” I’m a firm believer that the desire for achievement is what keeps the lifeblood pumping in us from day to day. After all, if you don’t have a reason to get up in the morning - a good challenge to sink your teeth into - why bother to get up?
The Five Kinds of Dreamers
Robert Kiyosaki, in his book “The Business School for People Who Love Helping People,” lists five kinds of dreamers. I’m impressed with this list because it shows five very distinct ways in which people can go about living their lives. I know people in all five categories. Check out this list and see if you recognize people in your life who fit into these categories.
1. Dreamers who dream in the past.
These people don’t have any dreams to look forward to. All they have are past glories and memories that they relive over and over. Often, these people achieved the peak of their greatness in high school or college.
2. Dreamers who dream only small dreams.
These people have dreams, only they are tiny. It’s a matter of confidence. People with small dreams keep them small so they can feel confident of achieving them. The problem is that people who dream tiny dreams usually don’t bother to achieve even these small goals.
3. Dreamers who have achieved their dreams and have not set a new dream.
These are the people who dreamed of being doctors, lawyers, or fashion models in high school, and then went on to achieve those dreams. Once they have achieved their dreams, they sit on their laurels. They tend to be bored with their lives, but don’t have enough juice to start a new adventure.
4. Dreamers who dream big dreams but don’t have a plan on how to achieve them, so they end up achieving nothing.
We see tons of people like this in our MLM business. These people have great dreams and aspirations, but don’t have the right training or support network to help them reach their dreams. They are always saying things like, “This time will be different. I’m really going to make it,” but they never do. They live on dreams and very little else. According to Kiyosaki, these people should stay with their big dreams AND “find a plan, and find a team that will help them make their dreams come true.”
5. Dreamers who dream big, achieve those dreams, and go on to dream bigger dreams.
This is, of course, the ideal kind of dreamer. Most people want to dream big dreams and then achieve those dreams. The people who are in this category not only know how to dream big, but they know where to connect with the people and resources to help them achieve those dreams. Kiyosaki says he sees a large percentage of these people in successful network marketing companies (note: the word “successful” here is key!).
Which kind of dreamer are you? What kinds of dreams do you have for you, your small business, and your lifestyle?
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Photo credit: `169 | High..
Tags: five kinds of dreamers, impossible dream, Robert Kiyosaki
Posted by Stephanie on Apr 24, 2009 in
Small Business Humor 
It’s FRIDAY! Yippee!
To celebrate, here are some gut-busters, thanks to American Demograhics magazine, which put out a list of mistranslated slogans that good for a Friday giggle. Enjoy!
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, “Fly in Leather,” it came out in Spanish as “Fly Naked.”
Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” sounds much more interesting in Spanish: “It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate.”
Puffs tissues tried to introduce its product, only to learn that “Puff” in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. “No Va” means “It Does Not Go” in Spanish.
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Photo credit: Coors
Tags: business humor, lost in translation
Right and Wrong Ways to Use Humor in Business
Humor is a great way to promote your small business, but did you know that there is a right way and a wrong way to use humor in business? There is a fine dividing line between humor as an engaging hook and humor as an annoying gag that has gone too far.
Luckily for us small business owners, Ken Beaulieu, Chief Content Creator at FuelNet, has put together a guide on how to use humor in business, as part of the Ebook “10 Effective Marketing Tips to Engage Your Customers.”
Get your free copy here.
In this eye-opening ebook, Ken lays down the five principles for using humor in your business. These are:
Use humor to make a point, not just to score a laugh.
Get serious after you get a grin.
Make fun of yourself, not your product.
Check in with your customers frequently to see if your humor is still relevant and compelling.
Expect complaints.
These are great tips that every small business owner needs to know about.
Get your free copy here.
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Photo credit: #112 > call the cops
Tags: humor, small business
Posted by Stephanie on Mar 20, 2009 in
Small Business Humor 
Money, money, money!
Tired about hearing about the recession? Wondering whether you’re small business or your checkbook are going to benefit from economic stimulus? Just grateful it’s Friday so you don’t have to think about it anymore?
Here are some humorous quotables about money to send you into your weekend with a smile on your face! Enjoy!
“Money is good for nothing unless you know the value of it by experience.”
– P.T. Barnum
“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
– Gertrude Stein
“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.”
– e e cummings
“If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.”
– J. Paul Getty
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
–Unknown
“If you’d know the power of money, go and borrow some.”
– Ben Franklin
“I am having an out of money experience.”
– Author Unknown
“Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.”
– Thorton Hornton Wilder
Photo credit: Money, money, money
Tags: money, money quotes, quotes about money
